Epistle of an Errorist

I repeatedly make errors.

Hi

 

“Hello” he says

“Goodbye” I reply

For I know his hello is temporary

Sadly, my goodbye is just a story

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What Am I To You?

 

Am I the rainbow after the rain
a shooting star, an eclipse?
An occurrence that’s not an always
But a maybe, a sometimes, even a once in a lifetime?
Because I am not your sun nor your moon
Nor the rotation of the earth
I am not something permanent
Or an affair that happens constantly
There are times you need me
times that you don’t
moments that you remember me
instances that you forget everything about me
Am I just a passing feeling?
The one you want briefly but not the one you need
Am I just a temporary hello?
And the answer will never be no
For you already decided with your goodbye
And here I am wanting to stay by your side

-E.A.E.

The Temporary Soldier

I am a soldier who has promised to do everything. I have lived in this life fully knowing that I’ll protect my country. I vowed for loyalty. I fight for my country.

Today, I have claimed many lives and my people have put their trust in me.

I vowed to serve my country; I am prepared to die in the battlefield.

God help me.

It wasn’t in my plan to fall in love. If saving the country means losing the one I truly love, will the cheers and the happiness of others fill the empty space of my heart?

“This is commander David Garcia speaking.”

The world is a scary place to be – it’s a ticking time bomb and I feel like it’s waiting for my go signal to start counting what’s left.

I am standing a mile before the enemy’s camp where Alessandra, the woman I truly love is held captive.

They say protect the country is the top priority. So with a heavy heart, I say out the command.

“Fire the missiles.”

What Heaven Feels Like

She contemplates on the things she did in Earthland because she believes she doesn’t deserve the punishment to whatever she did the past months. But, okay, there are few reasons up in her sleeves but were all of those little things worthy enough to land her on this certain peculiar job?

There was one time when she tried to punish, cut that out, she tried to give a drunken student a lesson by setting the fire alarm in the middle of the night, hoping the drunken student can get the blame and will finally learn his lesson, but it didn’t go as planned as it triggered a mass of students running around the hallway, wanting to get out of the building – hoping for survival. Okay, she miscalculated, she thought there wouldn’t be much fuss about it but in the end, there were several students who got injured.

There was also this one time when she accidentally, yes, it was an accident, let a homeless guy win the lottery. Because she lacked information, she didn’t know that the former homeless guy, now a millionaire, was a con artist. And now, he was back to his old selfish self.

There was also this one time – okay, cut it out with the stories, she gets it.

She slumps into the golden porch with diamond embellishments located just outside the main hall. Beside her, her best friend puts an arm around her shoulder offering some kind of sympathy.

“There were a lot in the team who did worse than me, but why am I the one chosen?” She grumbles in disappointment.

“Maybe because you accidentally cause a 4-hour traffic and ended with people hurting each other?” Her best friend tries to enlighten her, innocently. “Or maybe, that one time when you —“

“You’re not helping,” She mutters darkly.

“I know you’ll do well.”  Her best friend encourages. “You always find a way to make everything work”

“Thanks.” She replies while she dusts off his white dress.

“It’s just a day – only a day. I can do this.” She says as her mantra though she knows her courage is faltering, she tries to give herself words of encouragement but it made no difference, she was scared as hell.

A day before her quest, she prays to God, hoping that everything will be alright and let this transaction be over as quickly as possible and she promises she’ll do well on Earthland so she won’t have to endure this task again.

It seems the time doubles its speed because today is the day, she is set to a one of a kind journey.

She enters the sacred hall and there she meets the ever shining Gabriella, “Are you ready? It’ll be over as soon as the other signs it”

She didn’t mutter a reply because Gabriella is already transporting her, the ground suddenly shakes and all of a sudden, the floor starts to open and the last words the people heard was her, cursing on top of her lungs, “Why do I have to travel to hell?”

Angels and demons are opposite creatures. One is of a pure soul, and one can be described as a tainted spirit. In Earthland, people believed the two worlds don’t coincide but in reality, heaven and hell are affiliated. They bring equality to mankind, the hell allowing the sinners to be punished, while heaven celebrates one’s kindness.

To make this work, heaven and hell made an agreement, they will live separately, away from each other but every 800th year, they will meet to change the contract, add provisions or exchange information vital to each party so they will not reach any pandemonium.

This year, she got the task to deliver the new contract. The travel takes a while so she falls asleep and when she opens her eyes, a dark creature appears in front of her, to be exact, it’s an inch away from her. with a terrifying grin, the hell guy utters, “Welcome to hell”

She freezes. She doesn’t budge. After quite some time, she curses and it echoes through the dark pavement, “Fuck”

“Woah, woah —- “

She pushes the creature away from her and hurries to get up; she dusts off her clothes and pulls her messenger bag closer to her as she begins to scramble everything inside it. As she is busy rummaging her bag, the hell guy who seems to be a creature from hell initiates conversation.

“So, this is what an angel looks like.”

But she won’t say any reply.

“I didn’t think angels can curse because you’re the good guys, right?”

She doesn’t utter any comeback because at last she got hold of the golden parchment.

“Here” She finally says, “You can sign it and then I can go back”

There’s an evident confusion on the face of the receiver, “Sign?”

“Yes sign, I have been told that you need to sign  here.”

The creature then moves closely. She is too stunned to push him away.

“You must be mistaken, I’m not the one signing the agreement, my boss does that job. I’m just a tour guide”

With eyes wide open, and mouth hung agape, she couldn’t formulate any response or couldn’t think clearly. In just a span of minutes, she is touring hell.

“The fuck is this?” She screams out of frustration and she gets more serious when she hears the hell guy laugh in response.

“What the fuck is funny, hell guy?” She retorts.

“You have a pretty bad mouth for an angel.” He grins stupidly and she hates it.

“If you want to go home badly, I think we should start our journey. So my boss can sign the stupid contract and you can go back to your sparkling world” With playfulness hinted at every word, he begins to walk, clearly confident that the little light will follow him.

With much mumbling and a few more cursing, she follows him. She doesn’t have a choice after all.

On their way to what he describes as their hideout, she is at awe, hell sure is different from heaven. Everything is black, and red – the place emits a strong emotion of melancholic pain and she just feels sad.

“We’re not that far. Are you tired?” He suddenly asks.

“No” She replies softly.

“What does heaven look like?”

She is taken aback because his voice just sounded unhappy – a complete different from the tone he has been using since she met him.

“It’s white and flashy.” She replies and she sees him as his face suddenly lifts up as if wanting her to continue the story so she did.

She doesn’t know how long she has been walking or how long she has been staying in hell because she is immersed with his conversation with himl. They exchange bizarre stories of their experiences guiding the humans, the life in heaven and how is it living in hell.

She can’t believe that in hell, she finds solace. She always feared going down below because of the stories imprinted on her mind. She thought every creature in hell is the complete opposite of those guarding heaven.

“What does it feels like living in heaven?”

“We always celebrate; there are a lot of things to do. Everything emits happiness. I can’t really describe it in words because no words can ever describe how amazing it feels like to be in heaven”

And then she suddenly is caught off guard,

“Sometimes, I wish I can experience what it’s like to be in heaven”

She doesn’t know what to reply. So she stays quiet, she feels it’s the right answer.

They continue to walk but now in complete silence.

“I have a confession to make.” He abruptly declares.

“What?” She halts.

He fidgets, eyes locked on the ground.

“There’s no boss. I’m the one who needed to sign the paper. I don’t know what got into me but I just wanted more time” He says so fast,  she almost didn’t get every word.

“More time for what?”

“You know what, I’ll just sign this, and you can now go.” He snatches off the golden parchment from her.

Before he can sign the paper, she puts his hands over it so he cannot continue what he is about to do/

“More time for what?”

But he doesn’t reply.

“You can’t sign this unless you answer me and I mean it. More time for what?”

Clearly defeated, he musters up his courage and utters a reply, “To get to know you”

It’s not the answer she was expecting.

“Why?” She suddenly asks.

“It’s the only time I get to see you again.”

“Again? What do you mean again?”

“I remember you. I remember you as a human, we were humans once but maybe I did so many ill things in the past, that’s why maybe I ended up here. But I saw you, I remember you, you saved me.”

“I don’t understand. You’re not supposed to remember who you are in Earthland.”

“I didn’t, I only remember you.”

“I searched hell and I didn’t find you, I’m sure you’re in heaven so I always take this job – always, with a little hope of seeing you. This is 27th time, and— and — finally, I saw you. I’m sorry. I know you wanted to go back immediately. I just, fuck”

He suddenly imprints his thumb into the parchment.

With horror in her eyes, she screams, “What the fuck?”

And then the place suddenly shakes – the dark sky suddenly opens, it’s time to go.

“I’m happy I got to see you.” He says. “All the years I’ve waited was worth it.”

“You stupid hell guy” She curses.

But before she disappears, she leaves a message, “See you after 800 years.”

He places his hand against his chest because he feels so light, so happy, so full. As he repeats the image of her smiling face on his mind, he then realizes that “Maybe this is what heaven feels like”

“She feels like heaven.”

 

Unsung


I look up and see the blue skies
wondering if it can stop my cries
or will I just depend on lies
and think that everything will be alright.

Writer’s Confession

To be someone with a pair of golden wings.

I was born with a beautiful pair of wings and it grew together with me and while my mind was being occupied with fallen expectations, unforeseeable scenarios and unwarranted decisions; I neglected the once blossoming wings. One thing lead to another, what supposed to be the inner fuel that fires my engines suddenly rotated into something concealed – buried into a memory. The pair of wings that supposed to be taken care of and hone to be brighter and bigger wings ceased to flourish and little by little, the once picturesque pair diminished to nothingness. When I came to my senses and realized my mistake, I tried to stand firm, and accept my defeat so that I can continue with my journey and to be able to retrieve the forgotten wings.

I stopped writing and that is my biggest mistake.

My childhood years were pure bliss but gloomy weathers still existed. And during the hard times; I discovered the joy in writing until I graduated college and chose a different path. And when I woke up one day questioning where did I go wrong; I looked back and realized I had forsaken my one great dream and now I wake up each day wanting to write – the seemingly abandoned one big dream that was set aside because of my miscalculations that lead to a detour is what makes me want to strive more; the eagerness of aspiring to become what I truly want since the beginning is what urges me to improve and polish my craft. Soon, I’d like to see my name in magazines. The idea of having my name written and under it acknowledges that I am a writer will be an achievement and to accomplish it, I will work hard – even double, triple my efforts.

If fortunate enough I could write a book or maybe a couple of books that will be read and translated across the globe. Slowly, each day, I am pulling the strings of my wings – I started a literary blog just last August and was surprised that it has been nominated under the fiction and literature category in this year’s Bloggys Award. I have been constantly writing fan fictions since late 2013, in which, people from different parts of the globe have been expressing keen interest in wanting to translate the stories into their language. My juniors have been seeking my help with their undergraduate researches and to help them develop, organize and even write their thesis is something that I am used to. All of these activities push me to do more, strive better and continue to sharpen my skills.

Writing is not a hobby, it is my passion. I remembered winning the writing exam during my internship days in which the prize was beyond any monetary amount because I was able to see my name in a full page feature article, written by Ernestine A. Eusebio. The joy of researching, the time sensitive deadlines and the pressure of coming up with an article that was worth of being published gave me pure contentment and now, I know, these things will encourage me to do better or rather, the best.

It has been an exciting journey but it is just the preparation – I’m still not yet in the race. Little by little, I am recovering the forgotten wings and together with it, we will start the chase to my seemingly elusive dream.

To be able to catch that one big dream; to write and be recognized for it – To be someone with a pair of golden wings, that is what drives me.

Withering

There are things to say, but not enough time
words recurring at the back of my mind
lately, I wondered, did I ever commit a crime?
for the tug in my heart left all the things undefined
even at the depths of the Earth, the answers are hard to find
unsettled, I tried once more, but I found myself in oblivion
and then i see a light, but my request was declined
for the light vanished, there’s nothing that i could depend on
every night, every second, it seems like every time of the day is dawn
for I could not see what’s in front of me
there’s not even a string to hold on, is it not drawn?
what happened to my words, they are caged – not free
will you please let me be happy?
or should i once again restart my plea?

-E.A.E. 10-13-2015

Empty Promises

Locked away from here
Are you going to find me?
Or leave me hanging?

-E.A.E 10-13-2015

Several Final Goodbyes

Prologue

I wake up to sounds of my heart beating
I wish I didn’t – for waking up means I have nothing
I have died a couple of times while wishing
that even just for a second you’ll look at me – smiling

– Several Final Goodbyes, E.A.E, 10/5/2015

Recurring

I say my piece, hoping you’ll listen dearly
But I watch you walk away – with a smile on your face; sadly
Papers in my hand, feelings in my heart, prepared to let it all out
But here I am, waiting as you diminish in that same route – without a doubt

As I run towards you, the distance keeps growing
It’s as if we’re a million miles away – it’s heartbreaking
But my determination is unraveled, I will not stop searching
For you are the only one I hoped for, in my world that is collapsing

So I stand firm, words wanting to be said
You are there, but with someone else instead
A tug at my heart, I want to avert my gaze
this scene has been done, played, repeated – i am in a maze

Is this the end, I wonder
For my heart, again, has been shattered,
Or will I choose the never ending race
Of waiting, longing and the continuous chase

Standing at a standstill, I waited
Still the scene is playing – I, again, almost fled
But if I escape, pain of not seeing you – it’ll be greater
So I am here, staying, I’ll save my heart for later

I’m prepared with a piece, yet again, repeatedly
This recurrent nightmare, I want to wake up, can I say my goodbye already?
For my heart is not at ease as I wait for you to see me
But yet, repeatedly, over an over again, i stay for you to hear my plea

-10/1/2015, E.A.E